Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
