3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
