Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
