How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
