I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
