just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
