Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
