hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
