Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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