Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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