I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
