i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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