You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
