I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
