I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
