I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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