I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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