with your own penis?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
