where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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