So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
3 2 1 whiskey
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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