I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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