you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
