I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
