so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
