Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
