I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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