My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
