How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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