I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
