I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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