My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i dont even know how to be here
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
