i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
