I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
