As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
