After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
