I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
