the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
