she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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