Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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