the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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