There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
