The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
