I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
