I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
