NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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