God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
