his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
