At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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