so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
