if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Your penis caused this!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
