Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
