if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
