Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
