i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
